I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
