Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i came on her dog
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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