I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
