just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
