Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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