It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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