Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
