everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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