I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize