When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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