College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
