i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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