i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
