I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
