Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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