I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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