Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
