If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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