i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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