sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
