did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
