I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
