moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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