I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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