she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
