Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
