last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
