I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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