I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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