Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize