so let's talk penis.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
