he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize