just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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