I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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