I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
