Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
