somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
