She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
