I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
