The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
