i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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