A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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