i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
