OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
