She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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