some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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