He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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