I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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