His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
