we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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