They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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