can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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