if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You are the jesus of drinking
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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