Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize