EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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