You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
