how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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