i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
