So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
