Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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