The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
