like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
