somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
