It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
