this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
