Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
